The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) NetFlix Review

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No Quote for this one.

What to say about a film that happily skips it’s way into the depths of depravity displayed here? I cannot (will not) say I liked it. You don’t like a film like this. There are things about it I will admit to liking but I will never say I liked the film itself.

The first film is a poor example of shock cinema. I sat through the first one and when it ended I just kind of forgot about it and moved on with my life. I have not been so lucky with this one.

To those of you that haven’t seen it, go watch it if you had fun with A Serbian Film.  If not, see my other reviews.

SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!!! SPOILERS!!!!

In the first film we had a medically trained professional (madman), here we have and fanboy to the millionth degree. This in my opinion was the proper way to continue this story. The fact that he has no training is what leads to the death of a lot of his victims. He doesn’t intend to kill them but he has no clue what he is doing.

He never talks. That makes me think he may be mentally handicapped which almost makes me feel sorry for him.  That combined with the abuse from his father and his criminally insane mother, make for the perfect victim turned victimizer scenario. You feel bad for him but hate the things he does or even who he is.

I love violent, dark, gory, bloody, depraved films but even I have my limit. The scene where the pregnant woman tries to escape and ends up smashing her newborn baby under the accelerator pedal was just a tad too much for me. I can’t decide whether to be impressed or disgusted.

I see absolutely no reason to watch this film more than once.

Netflix: 1/5
David: 1/5
 

Other Netflix Reviews:

The Woman

Kidnapped

The Woman Netflix Review

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Written By: David Roden

“You don’t really think I would want to miss out on heaven, do you?”

Great horror film sequels do still exist. Over the past few year I have been subjected to some truly terrible sequels, The Woman is my savior. This film is dark, gruesome, original and at times funny. That is basically every thing I look for in a horror film these days. Leave it the director of May (a disturbing film about an outcast) to break this cycle.

Lucky McKee’s The Woman, which is the follow up to The Offspring, an adaptation of the Jack Ketchum novel of the same name is a film to be reckoned with. This is very gruesome stuff, only intended for those us that can stomach it with a smile. If you can see through the gore and violence you will be treated to a very dark family drama with complex characters and interesting direction.
The Woman follows the surviving member of a clan of caveman like barbarians that were traveling up and down the coast of Maine, breaking into homes, murdering, and eating families. We pick up the story with her wounded and alone in the woods. A local hunter captures her and chains her up in his cellar with the intention of civilizing her.

The first thing that struck me was a beautifully shot title sequence. From there we move on to the family that will be holding her captive. An instant mood change from dead serious to fun lets us know that this movie will (hopefully) be a dark comedy. This is a complete departure from The Offspring, which was serious at all times. I feel this was a great way to bridge the two films.

The next thing to catch my eye is a scene where the patriarch of the family first finds the woman bathing herself in a stream. We see her through the scope of his rifle as he watches her. It’s at this point that something unexpected happens. Rock music begins to play as we take on his perception of her: a sexy naked woman bathing herself in slow motion. She dresses herself in what little clothing she has and walks away but for a split second we see her naked again. I believe this is to show how the hunter feels about her.

Sean Spillane's score for this film is absolutely amazing. I was expecting a traditional score but instead got unique songs that somehow completely reflect the mood of the scene. This score is one that I listen to daily. I certainly hope to hear more from this man soon. 

This movie takes an “out there” concept and grounds it by using the real world family problems. The interactions between the family members could have been a film on it’s own.







One thing that always impresses me is when a director knows enough about his movie that he can summarize the entire film with one line or one dialog-less scene. In this case they used the latter and it could not have been more effective.

I have seen The Woman a total of 7 times since I first got my grubby little fingers on it and I will be surprised to see a better horror film this year. Enjoy.

Netflix:3.3/5
David: 5/5

Other Netflix Reviews:

The Devil's Rock
The Human Centipede 2

Kidnapped Netfix Review

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Written By:
David Roden

“Dad, they’re already here. They’re already here and they shot mom!!”

Let me just get this out of the way, I LOVE HOME INVASION FILMS. If done correctly a home invasion can be devastating (Inside). The whole idea is that you don’t have to have done anything wrong or be anywhere you aren’t supposed to be in order to suffer. The idea of someone coming into your home to deliver these horrid acts is more than chilling, it’s an attack on your very own sense of security.

Kidnapped is not the most violent film I’ve ever seen but I feel they found a good level of violence for this film’s purposes. It never feels cheesy or gratuitous, while still being able to shock the audience. I myself am as desensitized as they to come to on-screen violence but still found my jaw hitting the floor on occasion.

More important than all the gore and shock factor being tossed about is the technical achievements of this film crew. With a runtime of 85 minutes this movie has only 12 shots. Yes, you absolutely read that correctly. 12 shots. I support any filmmaker that wants to test his technical prowess with extended takes likes that.

What makes it the most impressive to me is the subject matter. Showing that level of violence without cutting away makes it feel so much more ruthless. In typical horror films they cut quickly to avoid you seeing too much. Here they used different ways to achieve this. Instead of seeing a character get hurt we hear it as we following a different character into a different room. This caused my imagination to do terrible things to this woman to cause her to make those noises. I love it when they do that.

I was very pleased with all three of the thieves. We’ll call them Head Thief, Strong Thief and Young Thief. They all played their part to keep the momentum of the film up. I was impressed with the relationship between Strong Thief and Young Thief. ST is clearly a bad ass who gives zero fucks and enjoys eating the family’s food and doing blow. YT is a compassionate young man who still has faith in people and wants nothing more than to keep the family safe. Watching those two interact is just priceless. Head Thief did what head thieves do, he handled shit.

If you want a tense, violent home invasion film, this is for you. No it isn’t a perfect film but it’s expertly shot and it will make you feel something for at least one of the characters. This is one I will be revisiting from time to time for sure. Enjoy




Netflix: 3.1/5
David: 4/5

You like this review? Then why don't you read another great Netflix reviewThe Woman .

The Devil's Rock

Editor's Note: For those who have indicated that The Devil's Rock isn't a part of Netflix's database we do apologize for the mistake and hope that you nonetheless found the article enjoyable.

The Devil’s Rock

Written By: David Roden

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?!?!

I can assure you there is nothing in god’s name going on here.”

Of all the horror film clichés I must say I find the Nazi trying to use supernatural means to win the war to be one of the most entertaining. Nazis make the perfect villains, as we all already view them as such. Throw a demon into the mix and you are looking at one happy horror fan.

The film is about a two man Kiwi spec-ops team that is raiding a Nazi bunker on an island in the English Channel during World War 2. They come across a Nazi colonel who has found a way to summon a demon in hopes of having said demon fight for them.

We open the film with a beautiful shot of the beach our boys have landed on. Complete with barbed wire and tank busters, this looked like a shot of the beaches of Normandy on D-Day morning. We are introduced to our two commandos as they make their way up the minefield of a beach. Everything goes great from there. We get an early taste of the viciousness of this movie when our hero dispatches a Nazi with his knife.

Upon entering the bunker we are treated to some truly fantastic dead bodies provided by Weta Workshop. To be perfectly honest, this was my favorite part. It’s a fantastic way to tell your story without all that boring talking. You can read an entire story by using their wounds as words.
We then get to meet out villain, a Nazi colonel in charge of finding ways to use the occult to sway the war in their favor. This is where I felt the film stumbled a little bit. The big, bad Nazi colonel doesn’t have a German accent. I don’t know if this was explained and I just missed it but whatever the reason it was a bad choice. I really wanted to hear this man deliver his lines with a full, rich, thick accent. What I got was an SS officer that sounded like Clive Owen.

I won’t say much about the demon or it’s origins but I will say that I enjoyed every moment of it on screen. It had the perfect mixture of charm and danger.

For those Cthulhu fanatics out there, you will be treated to a solid reference to The Great Old Ones. It’s little things like that that speak to the level of care that was taken when writing this.

Overall, this isn’t something I’ll still be talking about this time next year but I did really enjoy myself. Aside from an accent mix up and some pretty serious pacing issues this was a solid genre film that will hopefully garner some attention for a filmmaker with a lot of potential.

The Devils's Rock

The Cabin In The Woods

“Ok, I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand. DO NOT read the Latin!”

The Cabin In The Woods is next to impossible to review without spoiling EVERYTHING, so what I am going to do is split this review into two sections.

Non-Spoiler Section:

GO WATCH THE CABIN IN THE WOODS. I can’t say much else about it to be honest. I will however offer this warning, DO NOT watch any trailers or read anything about this film online. Simply coming here and reading this before seeing it was, to be blunt, a mistake. You will be doing yourself a service going in blind. Now run along to the theater and make it happen. Be sure to come back and read the rest of my review when you’re done.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

For those of you that have seen it, let’s chat. I for once followed my own advice and didn’t read anything about it or watch any trailers prior to watching this film. I went in just praying it wouldn’t suck…and boy was I pleasantly surprised.

I’m going to talk about just a few key points in this film because I can see myself getting very long winded with this one.

Before we delve into the horror aspects of this film let me take a moment to talk about the characters. One of the big problems horror films deal with is what I like to call Characters vs. Caricatures. Yes, we are given five very stereotypical college students to follow but just five minutes in you can tell this is intentional. For example, Curt is not a guy acting tough, he is a guy who just so happens to be tough. I feel a lot of these directors don’t understand this distinction, Goddard does.

On to the horror! By far the best aspect of this film is the possibilities of the different “hauntings” these characters could potentially face. The scene in the cellar where they unknowingly choose their fate really pulled me in. I wanted to see these people go through every one of those nightmares. Then the movie falls on it’s face.

Redneck zombie family? Really? That was more worthy of an episode of Supernatural than a big name horror film. That would have been my last choice next to Merman. Luckily we don’t spend too much time dealing with that family and their “husband boners.”

It isn’t easy to combine horror and comedy without it coming off as campy, this movie nailed it. I was giggling like a little girl from the first scene on.

From then on I was completely unaware that there was anything else going on in the world other than the beautiful monstrosities slaughtering their way across the screen. The third act of the film was a horror fan’s wet dream, a thank you for sticking around through all the re-makes, sequels and adaptations we’ve had to endure these last few years.

Finally I just want to say thanks for the absurd amount of horror references sprinkled throughout. We really got the gambit here, from Pinhead to The Strangers to the “Old Ones.” The only thing missing was a giant tentacle coming out of the ground at the end instead of a hand. Oh well, close enough.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go try to get my mitts on a coffee mug bong.

Image Source: http://playmoviez.net/cabin-woods-2012/

Scary movies you got to love em- I know I do

Scary movies, everyone loves them. We go to the theater to see them and when were not doing that we watch them on television. Some of us can't get enough of scary movies.

I love scary movies because I grew up watching them. They have become a part of who I am as a person and I absolutely wouldn’t have it any other way.

My baptism into the eerie world of horror movies was a process that took place over the span of a series of Saturdays for me as a young boy as I would spread out in front of the television and watch those wonderful timeless classic scary movies that to this day hold a very special place in my heart.

One of the things that I love about scary movies, which I think, makes them somewhat unique from other movie genres are their various sub genres. There’s seemingly countless types of scary movies, which basically means that whatever your type of horror movie or kind of horror film fan you happen to be there’s probably something out there for your individual taste.

Some horror movie fans can only stomach some of the older more cheesier scary movies whose death scenes and the way they are depicted are decidedly tempered compared to some of the gory movies that we’ve seen put up on the big screen over the last few years. For example movies such as Ely Roth’s Hostel, which was an absolute blood bath, along with Hatchet written and directed by Adam Green.

Some scary movies can really be a white-knuckle roller coaster ride of an experience, which is one of the things that appeal to true fans. Sometimes the movie can captivate your attention to the point that you are not just fully engaged but fully invested in either one of the main characters plight or that of a group of characters, kind of what happened to us as moviegoers when we first were exposed to the group of teens in the original Friday The 13th.

How could you not feel sorry for the “horny little fuckers” that were slaughtered while having sex in the movie? I mean where is it written that if you are getting a little “head” when you should be doing something else, such as working, you should “lose your head” as punishment?

But all jokes aside, scary movies have had the distinct ability, unlike other movie types, in that they have become indelibly engrained in the collective psyches of horror movie fans to the extent similarly to my early experience with the genre, as fans live and grow as individuals the many movies that we all have seen and their respective images have in a weird kind of way become a part of who we are, who we become, and as for me, again I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jennifer's Body Review

Jennifer's Body, where do I start, with “her Body” or with the movie? I think I’ll start with her body, since it was the only likable thing about the movie and Megan Fox so graciously lent that body to the title role. I guess for any horny teenager or two Meagan Fox alone was worth the price of admission.

Unfortunately, most horror movie fans require a little more than a pretty face and a sexy body to satiate them when it comes to their horror movies. Sure the movie was bloody and there was plenty of gore. But did it live up to all of the anticipation?

If you haven’t seen it, Jennifer’s Body, classified as a dark comedy horror movie and directed by Karyn Kusama is about a young lady Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) who is taken over by a demonic spirit after being offered up in sacrifice to satan by a indie band of rock star wannabees named Low Shoulder, lead by Adam Brody (The O.C.) who sell their souls to the devil in exchange for what every rock star dreams of, fame and a endless supply of “green backs”.

Oh, and if they can get a girl or two along the way I’m sure that would be nice too. And as for the later, there was only one girl that these guys had their sights set on but ironically not for what most guys would want such a pretty girl for.

They initially meet when Jennifer and her friend, Anita Needy (Amada Seyfried) decide to go to the bar where the band was supposed to be playing. In an attempt to seemingly get Jennifer alone, the band or possibly satan himself (who knows) set a mysterious fire that burns the bar to the ground.

As the band endeavors to make their escape they ask Jennifer to go with them despite her friend’s pleas dissuading her not to. The guys then take her to a place in the woods where they will have the ceremony. After they offer up Jennifer to their “God” they notice that something goes terribly wrong.

They were mistaken in thinking she was a virgin and apparently in order for the offering to produce the desired result the female sacrifice had to considered pure and untouched by another man.

Jennifer subsequently shows up at her friend Anita’s home and is in her kitchen at the refrigerator down on her knees when she comes in and finds her. When Jennifer turns to see her she looks absolutely grotesques.

In the days following her unfortunate encounter Jennifer takes on the appearance of a very ill person, far from the very beautiful, sexy girl we see earlier in the movie. Another effect of her unfortunate “date with the devil” is that she finds she has an uncontrollable appetite for flesh, human flesh.

So she begins to flaunt her sex appeal in an attempt to seduce unsuspecting young men so that she is able to get them alone. Once she gets them alone and they are all hot and bothered she then attacks them feeding on their flesh, but not in the way they were hopping for.

If you think a movie isn’t good enough to sit all the way through in the theater you certainly won’t want to see it again in any other form. My point is this, Jennifer’s Body is a “one and done” kind of movie, too painfully bad to even want to see on cable or on DVD. Yes it was that bad, In fact, in my opinion one of the worse horror movies ever.

It certainly was heavy on what Hollywood thinks audiences desire to see most, and that being sex and violence. But sex and violence isn’t an automatic receipt for box office success, not when you consider the power of “word of mouth”.

I haven’t heard any rubbles of a possible follow up to the movie and for good reason; the movie should have never been made in the first place. And to think of the producers possibly making audiences sit through another poorly conceived story is in a word, “frightening”, more frightening than the movie was itself.

Image source: FanPop.com

Who is Megan Fox?