Jennifer's Body Review

Jennifer's Body, where do I start, with “her Body” or with the movie? I think I’ll start with her body, since it was the only likable thing about the movie and Megan Fox so graciously lent that body to the title role. I guess for any horny teenager or two Meagan Fox alone was worth the price of admission.

Unfortunately, most horror movie fans require a little more than a pretty face and a sexy body to satiate them when it comes to their horror movies. Sure the movie was bloody and there was plenty of gore. But did it live up to all of the anticipation?

If you haven’t seen it, Jennifer’s Body, classified as a dark comedy horror movie and directed by Karyn Kusama is about a young lady Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) who is taken over by a demonic spirit after being offered up in sacrifice to satan by a indie band of rock star wannabees named Low Shoulder, lead by Adam Brody (The O.C.) who sell their souls to the devil in exchange for what every rock star dreams of, fame and a endless supply of “green backs”.

Oh, and if they can get a girl or two along the way I’m sure that would be nice too. And as for the later, there was only one girl that these guys had their sights set on but ironically not for what most guys would want such a pretty girl for.

They initially meet when Jennifer and her friend, Anita Needy (Amada Seyfried) decide to go to the bar where the band was supposed to be playing. In an attempt to seemingly get Jennifer alone, the band or possibly satan himself (who knows) set a mysterious fire that burns the bar to the ground.

As the band endeavors to make their escape they ask Jennifer to go with them despite her friend’s pleas dissuading her not to. The guys then take her to a place in the woods where they will have the ceremony. After they offer up Jennifer to their “God” they notice that something goes terribly wrong.

They were mistaken in thinking she was a virgin and apparently in order for the offering to produce the desired result the female sacrifice had to considered pure and untouched by another man.

Jennifer subsequently shows up at her friend Anita’s home and is in her kitchen at the refrigerator down on her knees when she comes in and finds her. When Jennifer turns to see her she looks absolutely grotesques.

In the days following her unfortunate encounter Jennifer takes on the appearance of a very ill person, far from the very beautiful, sexy girl we see earlier in the movie. Another effect of her unfortunate “date with the devil” is that she finds she has an uncontrollable appetite for flesh, human flesh.

So she begins to flaunt her sex appeal in an attempt to seduce unsuspecting young men so that she is able to get them alone. Once she gets them alone and they are all hot and bothered she then attacks them feeding on their flesh, but not in the way they were hopping for.

If you think a movie isn’t good enough to sit all the way through in the theater you certainly won’t want to see it again in any other form. My point is this, Jennifer’s Body is a “one and done” kind of movie, too painfully bad to even want to see on cable or on DVD. Yes it was that bad, In fact, in my opinion one of the worse horror movies ever.

It certainly was heavy on what Hollywood thinks audiences desire to see most, and that being sex and violence. But sex and violence isn’t an automatic receipt for box office success, not when you consider the power of “word of mouth”.

I haven’t heard any rubbles of a possible follow up to the movie and for good reason; the movie should have never been made in the first place. And to think of the producers possibly making audiences sit through another poorly conceived story is in a word, “frightening”, more frightening than the movie was itself.

Image source: FanPop.com

Who is Megan Fox?

How would you define a top horror movie?

What is a top horror movie? A top horror movie is a movie that not only prompts you to go see it, based on its reviews and trailer but once you see it, it effects you on some level, staying with you long after the experience.

If you are an avid follower of the horror movie genre you only have to look to the countless examples of such movies over the many decades that fall into this category.

A Top horror movie usually tops the “best of list”

Each year as well as each decade a number of horror movies have the distinction of being the best or top horror movies for that particular time frame. For example during the year of 2005 The Descent was one of the top horror movies released not only that year but in my opinion of all time.

What is a top horror movie?

Well, the easy answer would be, you’ll know it when you see it. But if we were to elaborate just a bit, we would put this way, a top horror movie is one where the movie draws in you before the movie, engages you during the movie, usually done a number of ways, and then leaves you with some type of indelible impression.

Case in point, during the year Alien came out I recall sitting in the theater watching previews before whatever movie I was to see that day and when the preview for this movie came on I immediately knew I had to see it.

It was very ominous. If you saw the theatrical trailer then you know how foreboding the movie appeared and it was because of its inauspicious nature many fans, again myself included put down our money to see Alien. During the trailer, it successfully conditioned us, drawing us in, then once we actually had the opportunity to see it, not only did it met our expectations we had of the movie, it far exceeded them and in the process of it all, leaving changed in some small way. That is what a top horror movie does and how I define one.

The Descent –a top horror movie

I’ll just get right to it and state that I liked The Descent. Not only did I like the original I liked the sequel. In fact there was a lot to like about this movie. I saw it some time ago on Netflix and have seen both movies at least twice since then.

The Descent is about a group of close female friends who decide to spend some quality time together; doing something they all enjoyed doing, subterranean cave exploration. This time though, they would venture into a cave unlike any other they’ve encountered before.

History has taught us in a number of ways and through varying mediums, either through literature or through film that there are certain places that we as humans absolutely never ever want to find ourselves. Steven Spielberg not only said for us not to go into the water, he also showed us why we shouldn’t do so.

James Cameroon showed us the importance of never being trapped in outer space in his extremely well done movie Alien.

Dante impressed upon us the importance of avoiding a place called hell, and its many depths. Not only did Dante broche this most difficult of subjects in his book but King James makes his own convincing argument within the pages of his book.

My point is this; the cave that these women found themselves in was that kind of environment, somewhere you never ever want to end up. Completely “in the dark” as to what awaited them they moved forward with their preparations for their excursion into the depths of somewhere that would turn out to be their own personal “hell”.

The first thing I liked about The Descent was the writer’s decision to include an all female cast. Women have long been depicted as weak and defenseless on screen, especially in horror movies, but not the women in this movie.

They not only possessed the physical strength necessary to do what they were endeavoring they also had an unquestionable level of intestinal fortitude that together made for a very strong group of female characters. Having such attributes meant that they would absolutely do whatever they had to do to survive when pushed to the very limits of survival, portraying characters far from being stereotypical at least in that way.

Furthermore, it’s my belief that the writer wanted there to be no question as to how they were portrayed as far as whether there would be any chance of them being perceived as being weak in any way. He did that by not only placing them in such a dangerous environment but also equipping them again, with the right attributes understanding that the combination of the elements would permit the characters to exemplify an innate level of strength that would trump any will to survive.

The two characters that embodied that strength skillfully were the very beautiful Juno (Natalie Mendoza) and Sarah (Shauna McDonald).

Secondly in casting an entire cast of females in the first movie gave the writer the leeway to create a more diverse cast when casting of the sequel, an indication that part two would be at least somewhat of a departure from the original.

The descent creatures while they were unlike anything we had seen on the screen previously, they certainly weren’t the first group of carnivores with an extreme affinity for human flesh. Bringing new meaning to the term cave men and officially referred to as “crawlers” according to writer/director Neil Marshall they have long existed in the underworld of a very elaborate cave system and managing to do so while evolving to what we witnessed on screen.

During their evolution they developed a very keen sense of smell and hearing, no doubt as compensation for their lack of eyesight.

Truly frightening, The Descent creatures had teeth that resembled that of a piranha, large protruding ears and bright colored skin.

Initially when I saw the first monster from The Descent I thought that was it. I didn’t think that there would be more. And although the movie would not had been as good if there was a singular threat to the women’s survival, ala the movie Alien, The Descent was appreciably better in part due to The Descent creatures out numbering the women, making their chances for survival much more difficult.

For one the women had no previous knowledge of the particular cave that they were in. Which meant that they lacked the knowledge to navigate the cave that The Descent creatures possessed putting them at an extreme disadvantage.

Similarly to a group of George Romero's zombies, The Descent creatures were unrelenting in their pursuit of the women, posing a threat at every turn. However unlike George’s horrible bloodthirsty zombies, The Descent creatures possessed a cat-like agility allowing them to climb the face of the various surfaces with in the cave with relative ease, giving them a distinct advantage when hunting their prey.

Again I really liked this movie. It was everything we horror movie junkies love about our horror movies. It was a pulse pounding non stop blood bath replete with an bad ass group of horror movie monsters unlike anything we’ve ever seen. And despite the Internet movie database’s rating of 7.3, I realistically would give it an 8 out of 10 that in my opinion would make The Descent one of the best horror movies ever.

Horror Movie re-make misses

Movies that leaves you scratching your head

Black Christmas (2006)

Halloween (2007)

The Fog (2005)

House of Wax (2005)

The House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Psycho (1998)

Amityville Horror (2005)

Bram Stroker’s Dracula (1992)

Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein (1994)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

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Worse horror movies ever part 2

It doesn't get too much worse than these "stinkers"

Bloody Murder (2000)

Basket Case (1982)

976- Evil (1988)

Tremors (1990)

Black Christmas (2006)

Dark Fields (2006)

Hatchet II (2010)

Dead and Breakfast (2004)

The Gate (1986)

Zombie Strippers (2008)

Dracula 2000 (2000)

Jennifer’s Body (2009)

The Kingdom of Spiders (1977)

The Amityville Horror 3-D (1983)

The Amityville Horror: The Possession (1982)

Fun House (1981)

The Car (1977)

worse horror movies ever part 1

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Hellraiser- a very dark and disturbing movie

“Some things in life aren’t meant to be explored or delved into”.
-MonsterMovieMan

I’m a firm believer that people should not screw with the following things, black magic, voodoo, the occult or the box that was one of the subjects of the movie Hellraiser.

Hellraiser is a really dark horror movie. And when I say “dark” I mean it in the sense that it wasn’t the typical knife-wielding mad man style horror movie. It was anything but, in fact, the title tells you almost all you need to know about this movie.

Movies such as this make me think the writer, in order to come up with the inspiration necessary to write this type of material had to be into some really deep shit, I mean, black magic or possibly satan worship. Something I’ve thought a time or two about the king of the macabre himself, Stephen King.

Clive Barker the director was also the writer adapting the screenplay from a novel he penned some years back. I can’t say that I’ve read the book or that I would even want to, but I will say this if the book is anything like the Hellraiser movies then it has to be pretty disturbing, because if Hellraiser is nothing else, it is certainly disturbing.

For the uninitiated, the movie begins as we see a man by the name of Frank (Sean Chapman) sitting with another man in what appeared to be the country of India. The man simply asks him, “Mister what’s your pleasure”? He responds by saying “The box…I want the box”. The camera then pans down to the two separate stacks of money the man “forks over” for the box. Clearly he expected something special from it.

What he expected was sensual pleasures the likes he never experienced before. Not only did he not get “his rocks off” what he got was so much more than anything he could have imagined.

When he pressed the box at a certain point a doorway into “hell” and the demons standing at that “doorway” waiting to be summoned suddenly make an unwelcome appearance.

But these demons, the cenobites as they are called, can only be summoned or released if the box is opened. Obviously, no one in their right mind would open the box, if they knew by doing so would release demons that, by the way, take sadistic pleasure in torturing their victims.

After opening the box he mistakenly calls forth the cenobites who then proceed to kill him. Actually we can only surmise that that is what happens to him from the sight of a number of hooks tearing into his flesh and the agonizing screams he sends forth.

When they were done with him he probably felt like if not the Marquis De Sade himself had worked him over maybe a group of his disciples.

The very next scene we are introduced to two of the cenobites as they enter what looks like some type of torture chamber. A number of chains dangle from the ceiling with chunks of human flesh attached to hooks, undoubtedly belonging to the recently departed.

And on the floor 3 or 4 pieces of a man’s face. The hand of one of the cenobites comes into the frame holding one piece of the face and joins it with the others as if forming a puzzle.

One of the truly strange things about this movie is that fact that not only is Frank resurrected by the blood of his brother that leaks upon the general area where he was killed but in order for him to fully “come back” Claire, his brother’s wife and Frank’s lover (emphasis on the word lover) is tasked by Frank to seduce unsuspecting men and bring them to him so he can kill them for their blood, reasoning that if some blood brought him back from the dead, then more blood is undoubtedly what’s needed to complete his return to the “land of the living”.

At this point Frank looks as if someone has ran him through a meat slicer, completely removing his outer layer of skin, leaving him with the appearance of a disgusting life like cadaver covered in fully exposed muscle dipped in blood.

Although, I’ve seen the movie a number of times something that is rare for me when it comes to movies I don’t like, but I will say this about the movie, it consistently succeeds in moving me each time I see it.

Stirring some type of emotion with in the viewer is the responsibility of the writer and director. Regardless of the movie and or the genre, if we as the audience haven’t been moved after watching a movie, then the writer and director failed at their job.

If the movie (horror in particular) doesn’t revolt or shock us or in some sense make us want to turn away from the screen because of the nature of what’s unfolding before our eyes then again the two individuals responsible for this happening, the writer and director have failed in this regard and the movie for all intents and purposes can be considered a failure.

Again, this movie moved me. It moved me because of its disturbing subject matter. How can someone not be stirred to emotion when the subject of a movie deals with demons, hell and torture? A subject that most people have a problem with regardless of their religious affiliation.

I don’t think anyone would dispute the fact that the demons are frightening and the leader of them, who goes by the name of “pinhead” portrayed extremely well by actor Doug Bradley, is in a word, unsettling to say the least. I would think because the movie isn’t very good that most horror fans affinity for the movie begins and ends with the character.

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Freddie Krueger - a nightmare unto himself

Freddie Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street was created from the mind of Wes Craven, the same man that brought horror fans the “Scream” series of movies. I would venture to say its no way he could have known that when he sat down to create the character that later would be embodied by the extremely talented actor Robert Englund he would be creating an iconic horror figure that would stand the test of time as not only one of horror fan’s favorite villains but one of the greatest to ever to grace the big screen.

In retrospect, do you remember how Freddie Krueger came to be the mythic figure we came to know and love? If not, here’s the tale of his genesis. The story goes that some years before where the beginning of the movie picks up he was killed in a fire and a number of the town’s people were said to be responsible for his death.

But think about this for a moment. How would “A Nightmare on Elm Street” have turned out if there weren’t a Freddie Krueger or some other central mythic nightmarish-figure to haunt the characters in their dreams?

The importance of having this type of antagonist for this type of movie could not be overstated. He had to be someone who not only was extremely dangerous and who could elicit fear at his very appearance but would also be motivated by one of the strongest human desires, the desire for revenge. Wes Craven understood the need for his antagonist having each of these attributes if his vision for the movie was to be.

Freddie Krueger wasn’t just someone the characters in “A Nightmare on Elm Street” dreamed about or coincidentally saw in their dreams; nor was he just the subject of their dreams. He was a lot more than that. To each of them, he was a nightmare, a nightmare unto himself.

From which there was no waking up, from which there was no escape. When you and I lie down at night on the other hand, and occasionally experience a nightmare despite its effect upon us at that moment there is something deeply engrained in our psyches that provides solace, allowing us to know that if and when we awake, everything will be okay, it’ll be as it was.

Our pulse rate may be elevated and our heart still may be racing, but that level of comfort will yet be there in the end. The characters in the movie unfortunately weren’t afforded that luxury.

Wes Craven did something with his antagonist’s that made him, not only more frightful but also dangerous. What he did was blur the lines between the dream world and reality. This was evident when Freddie would follow the kids from their dreams into the real world.

If you can remember the female character that while dreaming wrestles with Freddie and when she awakes she’s holding his dirty hat? That was when we as the audience really came to see what these characters were up against. We knew there was no getting away from this guy.

Did Wes Craven envision the character as “death”, or possibly the grim reaper? Only one can surmise. If he did or didn’t, only he can answer that, but I don’t think it would be a stretch to compare Freddie Krueger to “death” or better yet the “angel of death”. However, unlike the angel of death who comes for a person’s soul, Freddie only wanted blood.

If all it would have taken were a pot of coffee in order to stave off sleep, and therefore that nightmarish blood lustful villain, like the female character tried, then it would have been as simple as drinking some coffee. But it wasn’t that simple was it? At some point she would have to sleep, she knew there was no getting around that fact. She knew despite whatever the amount of coffee she consumed, eventually the coffee and the effects of its caffeine would give way to what her body would crave more so at that moment, and that being sleep.

“A Nightmare on Elm Street” was what I would call an instant classic the day it was released. The premise was good and very much original, but the catalyst behind the story, what drove it, what absolutely allowed that premise to work can be summed up in just two words, Robert Englund.

Cast anyone else in the role and the story we all loved and remember seeing back in the 80’s would have taken on a whole different dynamic, it would have also left us with a completely different impression. You only have to look to the most recent remake of the movie, where the iconic actor was noticeably absent from the lead role to appreciate just how much Robert Englund brought to the role of Freddie Krueger which with out question helped to make “A Nightmare on Elm Street” what we remembered it to be, a truly good horror movie.